


kaleidoscope

by forgottenwords



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Clothed Sex, Drinking, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mo and his potty mouth, Smut, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29065326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgottenwords/pseuds/forgottenwords
Summary: He Tian had been gone for four months. Guan Shan never anticipated him to come back with news like this. It gave him whiplash, every nerve ending in his body on fire with anger and a dash of hurt.The fucker was married!?
Relationships: He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days), He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 71





	kaleidoscope

**Author's Note:**

> hello lovely people! I started working on this months ago and finally picked it back up like a week ago lol. I hope you guys enjoy.
> 
> ps. also this is heavy based on a prompt from i-got-these-words on tumblr, similar to my other fic just more explicit.

His world tilts on its axis for a mere second, as all the memories and emotions he’d tucked away in a little box in his heart tried to chip away at the walls he’d carefully constructed around himself over the years. 

All it took was a glance, one simple stupid grin from the idiot and his stomach was sinking, a heavy burden at the suggestive glance he was the recipient of. 

“You’re...married?”

He Tian was smiling, but there was no happiness in it. He looked...remorseful. 

The ice in his glass clinked together in a strange sort of confirmation; it was a stark contrast to the simple conversation they were having a moment ago. It was a confirmation of all the things he was afraid of before even agreeing to meet with He Tian. After all these years...why didn’t he tell him?

Why? Why did he let him believe that things may have actually worked out? As much as he’d thought in his teens that it was a useless hope, that Tian’s feelings would fade...he still showed up at his doorstep, month after month. 

It was never a linear pattern, he’d show up weekly, monthly, sometimes only once every three months. But he always showed. 

Until one morning when he found a letter in his mailbox. He Tian had written to say he was going away for a couple months, and left the address of a bar to meet him when he got back. 

It was perplexing, it made him angry and filled with rage. No way he was going to do what that idiot told him to, when he couldn’t even be decent and tell him where he was going for four months. Who does that? He Tian of course. Of course he did. 

And would he show up at that bar like a dog following its owner? He would. Of course he would. 

He couldn’t help the curiosity that had started to brew when he first read Tian’s letter. As much anger and it brought out, it also held a worry. A worry that steeped continuously for the four months that he was gone. 

So he’d decided, taken a deep breath and put on a pair of nice pants and button down shirt - _black_ , to match the earrings he’d kept all this time, and a leather bracelet his mother had gotten him for graduation years ago - and made his way to the bar. 

It felt like too nice a place for him to be in. Though he was dressed half nice, with clothes that he only brought out for special occasions, it was still a whole different world. He’d only had a slight taste of it when he and He Tian were young, being brought to restaurants that he’d dream of working in. To the types of bars that one day he would probably be working in. It was a strange contrast to the places he usually frequented, like the simple izakaya a block down from his house. It was somewhere he was comfortable, a simple bar stool and booze that awaited the end of his shift. 

These kind of places though, they brought bottles of wine to the table and opened them at your side. They served a small glass and asked if it was to your liking. 

Jesus, at his type of bars he asked for shots of whiskey that he could barely pay for, let alone ask if they were to his _liking._

And he was here, now, holding a glass of scotch with ice that was probably worth a quarter of a day's pay. 

The alcohol was needed, giving the circumstances. He tilted his head, then turned back towards his glass and lifted it towards his mouth. The amber liquid burned, singeing down his throat as he swallowed, leaving a burning feeling in the back of his mouth that had his eyes watering. 

How was he supposed to handle the revelation that the man who he thought was ‘his’ in some sense, was married? 

They had an easy relationship these days, it was noncommittal, physical. Something they could both indulge in but agree that it didn’t mean anything afterwards. 

But it meant so much, how could it not? The sort of sexual tension that had ruminated between them was something they’ve been on the precipice of for as long as they knew each other. He’d always written off their relationship as something that he’d be fine without, but deep down he knew that He Tian meant more to him that he ever wanted to admit. 

He waved to the bartender for another shot, who slyly eyed He Tian, and said man nodded out of his gaze. 

They were seated next to each other at the bar, the wooden oak surface glazed and smooth. There were no beer glass circles staining the wood, or simple coins littering the surface as tips. This place was fancy and it made him sweat, dripping down his back and neck. 

He could feel a flush in his cheeks, and maybe it was just the alcohol making him this way, but he’d bet that He Tian’s revelation was more than the answer to his physical reaction. 

Guan Shan rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tenseness that had built up over the short period they’d been together. He’d be less tense after the next shot that the bartender slid across the counter with nothing more than a nod. 

Meanwhile, He Tian’s response to his question was nothing but lackluster.

“I - yes, I’m married.” 

His heart dropped, mouth slack at the response. It was something he never expected, a slap to any sort of future that he’d imagined for them. Not that he’d _imagined_ anything, but it was still nothing of the sort he expected from He Tian. 

“...Alright.”

“ _Alright?”_

“Yes? What more do you want?”

How was he supposed to act when a bomb was dropped on him? They weren’t _official._ They’d never given a name to what they were, exactly. It ate at him a little bit. How nonchalant that He Tian still seemed to be after all this time. Like he didn’t care to be clear in what he wanted, or what they were to each other. And now he knew why. Was there anything other than acceptance he could display? When they never bothered to admit to one another how they felt. He was angry, sure. But that wouldn’t help anything, and he’d learned that the hard way years before. 

It made him ache though. He Tian was taken, and wasn’t actually his. It was peculiar. Every ounce of his body was screaming in defiance. As much hope as he’d held hope for the past couple years, he never believed that it would end like this. _The fucker was married?_

Guan Shan wasn’t stupid, he knew that their sort of relationship probably would’t be accepted anytime soon. Let alone be accepted by his bastards father, who strangely enough he’d never even met. 

The remorse Tian showed earlier was nowhere to be found. His body language was nothing but angry, muscles tense, knuckles white around the glass. 

“I thought maybe congratulations were in order.”

The sentence was empty as he said it. There was no emotion betraying what he truly felt as he spoke.

Guan Shan grit his teeth together, not daring to look at He Tian, “You’re a fucking asshole you know that?”

Not letting the other man respond, he took a hold of the glass in front of him and sucked back the scotch like it was the type of cheap whiskey he was used to shooting. Fuck that bastard and his money. If he was going to get drunk tonight it might as well be from the expensive stuff He Tian was paying for. 

It burned, again. Alighting the nerves in his stomach, sending a wave of heat through his body. The anger burning in his veins and the influence of the alcohol were slowly ridding him of any sort of common sense he may have had before this conversation started. 

“How long?”

He Tian froze at his question, his own glass inches from his mouth. “Hm?”

“How long have you been married?”

He slowly lowered his glass to the bar, gaze empty. 

“Two years.”

“ _What the fuck He Tian??_ ” He yells, jumping out of his seat, the force almost knocking it down behind him. 

He pays no mind to the bartender standing like a deer in headlights a ways down the bar, dish cloth hanging limp in his hand. The other patrons of the bar settle in quiet at his outburst, and he wants to punch Tian in the face. 

Guan Shan is simmering, an unwatched pot about to boil-over. It’s suddenly hard to breathe and the room is spinning. _Fuck_ , he so can’t handle this right now. 

He quickly pockets his phone and wallet before the tunnel vision is too much, he has to leave. He can’t take one more look at the man beside him. 

“Don’t follow me, if you do I’ll knock your lights out.”

“Guan Shan!”

Everything feels hot, he needs to get outside into the cool night air. _Shit_. The other customers don’t even bother to hide the looks they shoot him as he fumbles towards the exit, pulling on the collar of his shirt. He normally would have told them all to go fuck themselves but he can barely make his legs move forward. 

He vaguely hears his name being called again as he makes his way onto the street, not daring to look back.

**Author's Note:**

> [ ultraforgottenwords](https://ultraforgottenwords.tumblr.com) @ tumblr


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